Dreamers

A few days ago, in the early morning, I met my friend H from elementary school in a dream. It was back when I had just joined G Company and he had just joined its sister company, G Telecom, at the age of 25, a time when our youth alone was dazzling. Although we worked in the same building, just a few floors apart, we didn't meet often. Having been apart for over ten years since graduating from elementary school, there was a sense of distance between us. Looking back, that early period of our employment was truly a happy time for both of us. After the difficult school years, entering a large company with decent pay and a secure future felt like being on a big ship that could withstand any storm. We thought our future would be smooth sailing, filled with marriage, promotions, and buying homes.

 

I woke up and sat at my desk to send my friend an email after a long time. I had been working in the U.S. as an expatriate, but after a difficult period following my resignation, I became physically disabled due to a car accident. Meanwhile, I had rarely contacted him because of the distance between my own struggles and his stable life as a retired CEO of a foreign company. A few days after sending the email, I received a reply from him, and my mind drifted back to our elementary school days. We had dreams and good friends, making us happy.

 

In another early morning dream, I saw my beautiful daughters, who were three and five years old at the time, two years after I was dispatched to the U.S. They were  the most beautiful in the world. Although I was starting to realize in my mid-thirties that life wasn’t easy, I was happy because I had a loving family.

 

Upon waking up, I thought about my daughters, now 40 and 38, enjoying the prime of their lives, and I felt happy. The opening lines of "Bohemian Rhapsody" came to mind: “Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?” When my younger daughter’s high school essay titled ‘Somniator’ (Latin for ‘Dreamer’) received praise from her teacher, I initially mistook it for ‘daydreamer’. Upon learning it meant ‘a person with dreams’, I expressed my pride. Unlike their father(=me), who lost his dreams along the way, my daughters are working hard to achieve their dreams despite the challenges of living in the U.S., and I am proud of them.

 

When I was hospitalized for a long time after the car accident, I often dreamt of flying. Even in the dream, I was so proud that I called out my daughter's name, saying, "Look, Daddy is flying." But upon waking up, I felt empty. According to dream interpretation, "This is a dream one has when they have a strong desire to become stronger. People with many frustrations or who wish to escape reality often have such dreams." Since I was trapped in the small space of a hospital bed, living a life that felt like it was merely surviving, this interpretation seems fitting.

 

Bad memories sometimes resurface in dreams. In such cases, I try to dismiss them as meaningless and fall back asleep. But when good memories reappear in dreams, I wake up and reflect on those happy times, trying to relive the joy. I believe that the happiest moments of my life are yet to come. When will that be?

 

(April 19, 2019)